Day 17: Keeping the Light

Jesus Christ often called himself "The Light of the World". He's been referenced as a "lighthouse", that is always shining and helpin those lost at sea find their way back to shore.

He's helped me.

I remember a time about over a year ago when I was going through a really hard time personally. I felt like it was a struggle every morning to get out of bed and face the day. As soon as I would wake up and remember where I was and what was going on in my life at that moment, a knot would settle into the pit of my stomach. I didn't have much of an appetite, and I felt like laughing and smiling were a rarity. Every day I would wonder if I would ever feel the happiness I once had again.

I went through what I think is called "the grieving process", where at first I was in shock/denial that things really took this turn. Then I got angry. I felt like that stage lasted longer because I tried to push it away. I didn't want to be angry. Angry is just an excuse to not face what was next: sadness and loneliness. When I finally faced the anger and moved onto the sadness and loneliness, I wondered if there really was a light out there. Every day I would plead to Heavenly Father to help me, in some way. To ease this giant burden and to calm my anxiety that seemed to be my constant companion.

And then, the light did come.

But it wasn't an all of a sudden thing. It was gradual, and came exactly how I needed it. Jesus Christ really was my lighthouse, and brought me back to shore. I was drifting there slowly, and since it was so dark around me, I didn't see how close I was to the shore until I actually made it. Until I actually started waking up with less of a knot inside myself, with finding myself laughing and smiling more.

Looking back, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ never left me during that time. In fact, I felt closer to them during that time than any other, even with all of those anxious and sad feelings. They blessed me with an amazing roommate who I would constantly unload and cry to. A great ward with friendly people to help me feel welcomed and loved. And most importantly, a growing testimony of love and trust towards my Savior, because even though I was sad, and angry, and anxious, I had Him, always there. Even typing that gives me a warm feeling right now because I remember that time still, and I hope I always will because I learned so much during that time. It really did shape me into who I am today, and strengthened my testimony in ways I never could have on my own. He really is always there as a constant guide.